Chapter 10

There comes a point in every woman’s journey when she realizes that her story is not unique. So many women go through what Laura had gone though, yet almost all go through it alone. Stories running in parallel never crossing each other. The surprise in finding out about another’s journey was not that they share a history, but that they spoke up about it. No one questioned that it had happened to others. Everyone knew. No one spoke up. The life destroyed by actions was not worth destroying the life of the person who committed those actions. That was the painful part of living in silent parallels.Laura and Rose sat for a long time on that floor sharing in each other’s pain. The floor felt safe for both of them, but especially for Laura who felt as if her feet hadn’t been on solid ground in years. It was time to speak the truth, to stop living in a world where being perfect was the only thing that made up for her past, and just admit that she was hurting in a way that she could no longer live with.“Ever sit wanting to say something that sounds perfect in your mind, but you can’t get it out in words? It’s like I sit there repeating it in my head hoping beyond hope that the person beside me is telepathic or that my mouth will just open and the sound of my thoughts will leak out.”Rose smiled knowing exactly what Laura was describing. That feeling where you want to share more than anything in the world, but you’ve kept your story a tight secret inside your head for so long that it is the only place that the story is willing to be heard. Your mind will always keep the story safe, letting those words leave your head and enter into air meant that they were out there in the world and you would lose control over them.The sound of a car on the gravel path broke the silence of the room. Jack’s truck pulled up along side the porch and the women watched as he strode up the steps rapping on the screen door. Rose stood to greet him but his eyes were on the girl, still on the floor, face stained with tears. He questioned if he should have the conversation with her, but a quick glance at Rose let him know it would be okay.“We found the guys who hurt you and want to press charges. Not the nicest of fellows, always been a bit of trouble around here, but we will need your go ahead and help in order to get the charges to stick. Won’t be easy, this type of he said she said crime never is. Innocent until proven guilty and all that”Laura said nothing, but closed her eyes to keep herself from giving Jack a piercing look. Did he not know that by saying innocent until proven guilty he was really saying that she was a liar until they could prove she was truthful? That she was culpable for what happened to her until she could prove that it was not her fault? She knew all to well how this would go. The fact that she was drinking, the clothes that she had been wearing, and all of her actions leading up to the assault would be brought up as a way to prove that she deserved what happened to her, that it wasn’t the man’s fault, how were they supposed to control themselves when she acted how she had? The privilege of being innocent until proven guilty was one that woman knew didn’t apply to them in these cases. They were always guilty of temptation. Always responsible for another’s actions.“I do not wish to press charges,” was all she said before standing and walking to her room. Closing the door behind her she curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow, and wept.She knew how it would go. There was no point in fighting it. Maybe it was her fault, but that honestly did not matter. People would think it was her fault. The courts and juries would think it was her fault. Finger pointing, eye rolling, and blame was all that would come out of pressing charges. It wasn’t worth it. Everyone knew that. Unless you were the perfect victim, pressing charges was just masochist.Jack looked over at Rose completely flabbergasted hoping that she would explain what had just transpired, but instead Rose shook her head, “sometimes you can be a very dense ass,” she grumbled as she walked away leaving Jack in the kitchen alone. Jack just stood there. What else was he supposed to do? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to come in, give good news, have that girl thank him for finding who hurt her, and then they would press charges, and things would go how they should. Instead, he had a feeling that everyone was angry at him, but had no clue why. Wasn’t he the good guy here? He wasn’t the one that hurt her. He was the one who found who had hurt her. Confused and hurt, Jack walked back to his truck and drove off.Rose knocked lightly on the door before opening it. Sitting on the bed beside Laura, she didn’t speak or reach out to comfort her, instead she chose to just be present with Laura and her pain. It was a hurt all to familiar to women. The hurt that it didn’t matter what someone did to you, you were always partly to blame. Being a women meant that you were always somewhat culpable for other people’s actions. Was it was what you wore? Was it a smile, or maybe the way you made eye contact with someone? Were you alone at night? The question was always, “what did you do to bring this on?” closely followed by, “what could you have done to stop it?” Rose knew how much the reality of the situation hurt. How hard it was to not only have to deal with what happen, but the pain of being held to account more than your attacker ever would be.Laura’s sobs slow and eventually bled into the slow shallow breaths of sleep. Sleep was an escape from the pain, Rose knew that it may be the only way to escape it, and quietly left the room letting Laura’s mind find the peace it desperately needed.

Chapter 9

Reading, watching the news, or even simple water cooler chat had become lessons in avoiding landmines. Everyone had an opinion, but most were not based on fact. They did not understand the circumstances, nor could they ever image what it would be like to be on the other side of the debate. Questions like “why bring it up after so many years” was just absurd if they had any context. The presumption that just because “charges weren’t laid” all those years ago meant innocence was so flawed. What it really meant, or what it feels like to so many, is that no one wanted to admit what happened. No one wanted to see the disgustingness of it all. Instead, lets not talk about it and move on. The problem is that there is no moving on for the damaged one. What happened fundamentally changes who that person is to become. Trust is gone. The ability to feel safe is gone. The assumption becomes that someone will hurt you instead of love you. There’s no moving on. Life changes forever. Everyday is not what it should have been, but instead becomes what it has to be. Life moves to hurt and hate. Life is a question of survival, not living.Laura knew the truth of it all. The daily struggle to push to the top of anything knowing how flawed she was. How could someone so damaged ever be respected? She knew that the only way was to be twice as good, to put aside any and all feeling, and push to the top. Don’t care about those around you, but use them as pawns to get where you need to be. But sitting on the floor, gasping for air through her tears, she didn’t feel that way. Maybe the damage had finally broke her, maybe it all became so much that she came crashing down, or maybe she had grown too tired, finally falling under her own weight.Rose held her tight waiting for her sobs to subside. Her heart ached for the girl knowing that the pain must be too much for her to continue to bear - the weight of her burden forcing her deeper into a bog that enveloped her soul. Smoothing the girl’s hair, Rose spoke softly,“I’ve got you and won’t let go, I promise you that, I won’t let you go. What happened to you, sweet girl? Don’t carry this burden on your own.”Laura tried to steady her breathing but any attempts were met with hiccups, coughing and retching. No one knew the secrets she kept. The pain that she felt that kept her weak, scared, and alone. What had she done? She cried for her pain, she cried for being weak, she cried for the death of her soul, her happiness, her person. Laura knew there was no return from this point. She had messed up too badly, shown how damaged she truly was. No one was going to want her back at work if this got out. She knew none of her employees would ever respect her again and that investors would pull out. She was done. Over. Finished. Years of covering up her flaws had failed in one horrid night that had now turned into days of confusing pain.Rose tried her best to comfort Laura begging her to let her know what had happened, what had brought her to this point, and Laura finally replied through gasping sobs,“I was nine,” Laura trying to continue the sentence but fell into gasping sobs, Rose held her tighter and a softly replied, “I understand. You don’t need to say anything else.”Rose’s heart ached knowing all to well what the girl had tried to say. It was unfortunate that in this world no one even had to speak an entire truth for other women to know what they were saying. A generation that had been kept quiet through the shame of being blamed. No matter how young, there were always the whispers and questions, but more honestly, the shame of knowing that you were somehow responsible for letting yourself become damaged goods. There was no undoing that act, no escaping, and healing. You would forever be a bowl of jello that was stirred - yes you will reset, but you will never be the smooth solid figure you were before.Laura began to rock, hugging her knees, the sobs turning to quiet hiccups. Rose stayed with her offering the comfort that only someone who truly understood her pain could provide and after a while began to tell Laura her own story,“I left the city after it happened because I knew there was no coming back from it. Maybe I was young and naive to not realize what was about to happen, but over the years I’ve learned that it is not my fault. I was 26 and he was nearly 50, a well respected surgeon, and I just began my practice in family medicine. It had been a really trying day in the clinic, so I thought nothing of it when he suggested that we order in dinner while we finished up charting notes. I resisted, he warned me he could ruin me, and in that sense, he kept his word. No one believed that such a kind man would do something like that. His words had more value than mine. Leaving was my only option and moving to this small town where trying to get a full time family doctor was tough, I was welcomed without questions.”Rose rubbed the girls back hoping that she understood that she was not alone - that no matter what age you were, if you were with a group of women, someone could relate, someone could tell their story. It was sad that so many women never made it that far. So many felt alone, thinking that they were the only ones hurting that undeniable, yet unbelievable pain, holding their secret story for as long as they could before it utterly destroyed who they were.“We’ll figure out moving forward. There is always a way,” Rose promised and for the first time in her life, Laura believed that maybe there was a way out.

Chapter 8

The morning arrived sooner than she wished. Funny how nightmares can cause the same headache as hangovers. She tried rolling over to avoid the light coming through the window, but it was of no use; instead she stretched and rolled out of the bed with a slight moan. Looking at her watch she realized it was only 6am. She quietly crept to the kitchen to find coffee, careful not to make noise and awake her friendly hostess.Arriving in the kitchen she was surprised to find that the woman was already awake, sitting there, sipping coffee, and eating a muffin. “Carbs,” she thought, “not the best way to start a morning”.“Rough night, huh?” the woman said to her passing the tray of muffins her way.Although she thought better of it, she took a muffin and began picking at it. She had forgotten how great a mixture of flour and sugar can make one feel. The still warm muffin seemed to relax her. The soft-warm-juiciness of the blueberries brought her comfort. The woman handed her a cup of coffee to complete the feeling and they sat quietly for what seemed like hours.“Do you want to tell me what last night was about?” Rose gave Laura a look that made Laura feel like she was a naughty five year old.The girl just shook her head and continued eating. She remembered how someone once told her that food was a fuel not an emotion, and although she truly believed it in her old world, she now questioned it. How can this muffin make her feel so much better? She smirked when she thought about the look of shock that would be on people’s faces back home as she ordered her non-fat, non-dairy, organic latte and then asked for a muffin – something that seemed akin to eating an entire bag of candy in her world.“Enjoying the muffin?” the woman smiled, almost as if she knew what the girl had been thinking.“I forgot how good real food was…”They both laughed at the idea of people eating non-real food; however, that was a reality in Laura’s world. Although people would go for this macronutrient, organic “lifestyle”, no one really ate food – no one thought to stop and ask what exactly was in the “green drink” that they grabbed each morning, the energy bars they ate at lunch, or the high protein shakes that they “drank” at dinner or worse, the healthy cleanse of lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper that one drank when they had eaten “bad food”. She began to question the healthiness of health food that wasn’t really food…people who as children would never think of eating something that tasted that horrible now willing to guzzle down green slime in the name of health. No wonder the organic juice bar crowd always looked so starvingly skinny, it was too hard to eat enough to survive when one only “ate” things that tasted horrible.“There was a time in my life I didn’t eat…it made sense to me then…I am not so sure about it now,” the girl began to pick the last of the muffin away from the wrapper, “food is nice sometimes I think. I mean, real food that doesn’t make you want to gag when you eat it.”The woman smiled and replied back, “you know, people use to survive just fine before the advent of fad diets. I always question how busy someone’s life must be that they need to drink greens instead of just cooking for a couple minutes.” They laughed again for a bit, then the woman said, “so what do you want to do, my dear?”The girl looked at her unsure what she meant, then quietly answered, “I need to hide for a while – disappear from the world.”The woman nodded, “You should call someone so that people know where you are. I’m assuming someone would notice if you don’t show up for work tomorrow?”The girl nodded agreeing before she realized that she really had no clue who to call. Should she call one of her assistants? What would they think, would they truly even noticed if she didn’t come into work? Her friends and family had long since been alienated. She thought better of calling anyone…she would send an email and text from her phone telling everyone that she had gone to a retreat. Yes, that was the best plan, many women in her age group did that – went to cleansing retreats, aka rich people rehab, to unwind. No one would question that she thought, it was a normal happening.With emails and texts completed, and no sign of anyone questioning the validity of what she had said, she moved back to the kitchen feeling insecure about what she had just done. She had given it all up, ran from her world into a world completely unknown to her. She was scared. Scared at facing the reality of what and who she had become, scared at confronting the past, scared at not being – she felt herself lost without work – without the crazy world she left behind. She was unsure if she, as a person, not just a living being, really did exist without that world. She lost her sense of self.Panic began to set in. She reached for a cup of coffee shaking, breathing shallow yet rapidly. The room spun and she felt more alone and lost than she ever had in recent months. She dropped the coffee and ran to the sink throwing up, clutching the side of the sink in a desperate attempt to not fall over. Her grip failed and she slid to the floor hugging her knees and crying softly into the crook of her arm. How did she get to this point? How did she push so hard to ignore everything she that she landed in some woman’s home after crashing her car? She had failed, and as much as she tried to convince herself that this break was just that, a break, she knew that the truth was more along the lines that she had broke - that she pushed herself to the point that she fell apart into a crumbled mess on the floor.The room continued spinning and her breaths were no longer controlled by her – shallow and rapid they took her through dark closing doors until the spinning was to much and the dizziness overtook her. She lay motionless on the floor falling from reality into a quiet dark place where the truth no longer had to exist.

Chapter 7

Laura sat quietly watching Rose prepare dinner. The unease of the situation felt like a lump in her stomach churning her insides into a curdled mess. Laura’s self destructive tendencies had usually gone unnoticed. She would break down, act stupid, then move on without anyone knowing how horrible things had become. She had learned early in life that keeping people at a distance was key to survival. Living in a world where family did not exist and the people who cared for you were forever changing, it was better to not be attached. Hiding behaviour was about survival. No one could know how broken she was, the fear of being abandoned by those who, although they did not care, were at least present, terrified her. The thought of the next week terrified her. Rose had seen what no one else ever had - just how broken Laura was.With dinner in the oven, Rose came to the table with the makings of a salad, handing a cutting board and knife to Laura and keeping the same for herself. The two women sat silently chopping vegetables and placing them into a bowl neither making eye contact with the other. With the salad complete, Rose looked over at Laura and smiled,“Thank you for helping with dinner.”Dinner was quiet. Laura had so many thoughts and fears running through her head that she worried about speaking. Rose saw that Laura needed time to fully understand the situation she was in. Having been a doctor in the city for years before moving to the country, Rose had seen the Laura type before - highly successful career, yet a broken human. It was all too common. The weekends brought in drug over doses, alcohol poisoning, and suicide attempts by people the world envied. Rose had seen the pain of the socially perfect and had felt for all those who she had sat with in the past. The pressure was too much to bear to keep up that type of persona day in and day out. It was exhausting.After cleaning up from dinner, Rose suggested that they go to bed early, the night before had been rough for both of them. Sleep was the last thing that Laura wanted to do, but she nodded her agreement, retired to the guest bedroom, and struggled to sleep in the quietness of the lake. Eventually the rhythmic sounds of the bullfrog calls lulled her into a deep sleep.Laura startled awake. Quietness. Dark shadows abound, yet quietness. Laura lay there, unable to move, using the small amount of strength that she had to continue breathing shallow short breaths. The world stopped, no longer existed, silent shadows were all that remained. She realized that she had fallen when she attempted to stand, but none of that mattered. The floor was such a safe place. She could be small, insignificant, and stay out of sight. Under the bed, where so much of her life had been spent hiding was a refuge. Curled up quietly and tightly enough and maybe you won’t be found. Stay small and you are harder to pull out; grab a hold of.Little streams of light from the moon cast shadows over the walls and floor. Shadows that are so innocuous, but can be so scary at the same time. Was it real, was he there? Please don’t let the shadow move, please make it stay still. They all looked like aliens. Not quite real, but real all the same. Sneaking into people’s rooms at night to drag them away – bright lights, rushing, quiet.Panic set in, she bit her hand to keep from screaming all the while curling up tighter and shaking uncontrollably. Have to be quiet, have to relax, just relax, RELAX! Word screamed through her head and she was unable get them out. It was loud, scary. Thoughts rushed through her head curl up tighter, tighter. Tight is safe. She felt the blackout whirls across her eyes and fought with all her might not to let it happen. Making her way to the kitchen, still panicked, breathing hard and spinning, her eyes went to the knife block on the counter. A practice that she had learned long ago but rarely felt the need to use.A small slice and the burn helped her body relax. Tension gone she slowed her breathing and sat there watching to make sure she had not gone too far. Her head was clear and she checked the cut – just deep enough to hurt, not deep enough to not heal….and thankful, in a place no one will notice. It was ok now. Calm now. Over. Her body slid down the sides of the cabinets onto the cold tiles of the floor. Slow paced breaths, slight cries, quiet. It was over now.She stood up and quietly washed the knife hoping to replace it secretly so that no one knew what had happened, but as she turned from the sink she saw Rose standing there, arms crossed, leaning on the door frame of the kitchen. Rose stood there clenching her teeth,“Anything to say before I speak my mind?” Rose said, looking as if her hair was about to catch fire from rage.The girl stood silent, scared, biting her bottom lip staring blankly directly at this kind woman who was enveloped with anger.“It’s not that bad….I had to” the girl whispered hoping that her quietness would calm the fiery.But the rage in the woman just grew – the girl watched as the woman’s teeth clinched.“Sit, now. Not another word” was all that was said as the woman pointed to a chair in the corner of the kitchen.The girl slowly crept across the floor, never letting her gaze move from the woman’s face. She had messed up. This caring woman who has taken her in without even knowing her was about to give up on her, kick her out and leave her alone to rot. She looked at the chair, then at the woman,“I said sit. I am not going to ask you again.”The girl sat shaking, afraid and unsure of what exactly was going on. The woman turned on the sink and began washing the dishes that had been left soaking from dinner. Quietly humming to herself, she looked over her shoulder a couple times in the direction of the now crying girl. Time passed and the girl grew more and more upset finally screaming out,“Why am I sitting here! If you are mad just yell at me already, kick me out already, tell me to leave!”The woman turned fully around this time,“I said not another word…was I not clear?”The girl stood up about to shout again but was halted in her tracks,“SIT! NOW!”Sitting back down, the girl hugged her knees rocking and sobbing. The woman finished up the dishes, looked at her watch, sighed, then proceeded to sit at the kitchen table picking up a magazine on her way, mumbling something about 5 minutes. The girl lifted her head from her knees looking puzzled,“Five minutes, and I have to go?”The woman shook her head,“No, 5 minutes and you can get up and go back to bed.”Growing more and more confused Laura blurted out,“Why can’t I just go to bed now, it’s not like I’m in time out or something crazy like that. I’m a grown adult!”“Crazy, huh? You had a temper tantrum, a very self destructive one, but still a temper tantrum…I’m not going to sit here trying to rationalize with a temper tantrum.”The girl grew angrier clenching her fist as her rage grew she grabbed whatever was beside her and threw it hard against the wall, thankfully it didn’t break and just bounced down towards the woman’s feet.“Five minutes not long enough for you to calm yourself down?”The girl growled this frustrated groan and began pouting. Who did this woman think she was, making her sit here time-out-style like a child, and more so, why the hell was she still sitting here! She could get up if she wanted to, she was so angry she just wanted to get up, but she sat there, not moving, and anger turned slowly into sadness as quiet tears began streaming down her cheeks. Rose sat quietly not reacting to any of it, humming to herself, reading the magazine she looked up every so often to check on the girl, but never said a word. Five minutes passed. The girl’s breathing began to slow, her rage lessened and her sobs became little whimpers. Rose stood and walked over to the girl, placing a hand on her head she quietly said,“Back to bed, ok?”Rose walked with the girl down the hallway towards the bedroom. The girl walked almost in a trance, unsure what to do. She wanted to run, wanted to scream but want so much more to be cared for. She was scared. Truly scared of what she had become. Years of hiding who she was, creating a person, had worn her spirit. She had grown accustom to the mask she wore. It was what kept her alive. She realized that Rose was now holding her up. Her legs barely moved. She was still sobbing. Her body had taken over from her mind finally collapsing under the weight of her reality. Rose helped the girl into bed and sat down beside her. Curled into a ball the girl continued to quietly sob her head so filled with thoughts that she felt dizzy trying to make sense of them. Rose began rubbing her back and the girl wanted to scream out – she hated being touched, but she couldn’t...it was a comfort that she hadn’t felt in years. Reassurance that she wasn’t alone in carrying her burden. She was safe in that moment. She didn’t need to protect herself, but let go knowing that she was being kept safe.

Chapter 6

Glaring at Jack, Rose walked towards the porch.“What?” he asked looking back at her perplexed.Rose just shook her head and put her face in her hands,“You can’t just ask a question like that without talking to her first. Can’t you see how much pain that poor girl is in?”Jack was taken back. He had always been a straight forward tell it like it is type guy and honestly believed that was the best route to take in these type situations. Just ask the question directly, don’t beat around the bush, and you will get a straight forward answer. Looking back at Rose he realized that probably wasn’t the best approach to take in this particular situation.“Fine,” he blurted out, “but how am I supposed to know how to proceed? Is this a rape investigation or do I need to charge her with impaired driving? She did drive her car into that tree and was clearly drunk when I found her.”Rose just shook her head at Jack’s black and white view of the world. She never understood people who wanted answers before they understood what happened. Nothing was ever that simple. Her career as a doctor had taught her that nothing was ever a straight forward simple fix. That without looking at the person and situation, solving problems were a shot in the dark, sometimes with adverse outcomes.“I agree that we need to figure out what happened, Jack. I just don’t think that you are going about it the right way.”Rose waited for Jack to push back, but when that didn’t happen she looked him in the eye and said,“Let me take care of her for a while. Tell her that she can’t leave town while the investigation is on going and let me work with her. I’m sure we can figure this out. As I told you last night, this isn’t a simple situation, Jack, there is something larger than having a party weekend going on here. She seems hurt beyond the injuries we can see. Please just give me time with her.”Jack knew that when Rose got something in her mind, there was no arguing with her. He’d butted heads with her when she first came to town, but learned quickly that he was never going to win an argument with her. Grumbling he rolled his eyes and replied,“Fine, you get one week with her then she either tells me it was rape and she was trying to get away, or I charge her with impaired driving.”After Jack moved the personal things he found in Laura’s car from his truck to the house, Rose sent Jack on his way and returned to the kitchen taking a seat beside Laura. Not being sure how well the idea of Laura staying with her for the week would go over, Rose chose her words carefully,“With your injuries and the ongoing investigation, Jack and I discussed that it would be better if you spend the next week here.” Rose waited, fully expecting an outburst.Laura felt her shoulders tense. There was no way she could miss work. Everyone would judge her, she would never be able to explain it and her career would never recover. Her breathing grew rapid and uneasy. She knew Rose was right, she was hurting from her injuries and had no way to get back to the city, but at the same time the irrational part of her, the part that always pushing forward no matter how bad things were, was screaming. Could she take a week off? No. There was no way. Things would fall apart. If she wasn’t there to keep that completely inadequate staff in check, nothing was going to get done. Looking over at Rose she bite her bottom lip and went to explain but instead a simple, “k,” was all that came out.Rose nodded her agreement and the both sat quietly for a while. It was going to be hard for both of them. Laura feeling so lost and broken and Rose feeling a need to fix the broken girl she saw before her. They both felt pain. They both felt scared. But more than all of that, they both knew that somethings needed to change.“We should figure out if you will need anything for the week - clothes maybe? Jack left the things from your car by the front door, but I haven’t looked to see what you have,” Rose pointed towards the door walking with Laura.Laura looked down and felt grateful that she always kept a packed suitcase in the trunk of her car. Too many unexpected business trips had left her packing on the fly and more often than not forgetting important items. It should be enough for a week, although the practically of business suits by a lake was questionable. Laura opened her laptop bag and pulled out her computer hoping to get a bit of emails done before figuring out the rest. She was taken back when Rose grabbed the laptop from her hands.“Do you really think that doing work right now is the best idea? Weren’t you just telling me that one of the reasons you ended up in the mess that you are in was because you were working too much and not giving anytime for your wellbeing?”Laura started to cry again and watched as Rose put the laptop away in a cabinet. She wasn’t sure that she could make it a week without being in constant contact with work. Her head was spinning again, partly from the hangover and concussion, and partly from the anxiety of the situation. Was she really going to stay here, with this woman she knew nothing about, for a week? How could she.

Chapter 5

She found Rose where she had said she would be, sitting on the dock with a book, peacefully reading with only the noise of the lapping waves and faint cries of loons in the distance. She sat quietly, not sure how to begin speaking and not wanting to disturb Rose from her book. Rose look up and smiled that soft calming smile that made the girl feel relaxed.“You must feel better now, yes? I know I always have more perspective on things after a warm shower.”“I don’t know how to answer your question…” responded the girl, surprising herself by her response. As much as she longed to explain to someone what she had gone through, the fight and anger in her continued to put up an emotional barrier that even she did not know how to take down.Rose nodded knowingly. “It is hard to admit that everything you thought you had control of, you don’t, huh?”The girl’s fists clenched and she felt her jaw tense up to keep from screaming at this woman. She knew in her heart that talking, telling, explaining and admitting to herself would be a good thing, but at this point, she was unable to bring herself to start. She longed to even be able to admit to herself how bad things had become but she just couldn’t. She broken down crying again, shaking with frustration more than anger.“I can’t telling you!” she screamed out, “I don’t even know you”Rose responded, “maybe that is the best, my dear, telling your story to someone that has no part in it? No interest in how you got here? I have nothing to gain by you confiding in me, but I think you have a lot to lose if you do not let someone else hold onto your burden for a while. I can be your story’s keeper. Hold onto it until you are ready to deal with it. Holding it in is killing you, and I think that you realize that.”The girl sat quietly staring at the water from between the boards on the dock taking in all that Rose had said. How great it would feel to let go of everything she had held inside for so long. No longer having to be the keeper of secrets so dark and disturbing that they kept her from sleeping most nights.“I am not sure I can, I mean, we never talked about it, it was done, we moved on...the past is just the past, right? Accept it and move past it, isn’t that what everyone says?”Rose looked knowingly towards the girl with a look of empathy that can only come from being in the same situation before.“just because that is what people say does not make it right, you know. Sometimes we have to ask for what we need. Each person is different”“It’s not that easy” she thought to herself. All the years of pain and holding it back blurred the edges of the reality of the happenings with the reality that her mind created in order to be able to cope. Her head began spinning as the thoughts and memories began flooding through her causing her mind to drown in thoughts. The nausea returned and she flung herself towards the edge of the dock emptying her pain into the silent lake.“it isn’t that hard to speak once you start, you know” Rose put a hand on the girls shoulder trying to reassure her.“I just want to leave, I want to go home, I want out of here!” the girl hysterically sobbed, her whole body shaking with a mixture of misplaced rage and pure emotional exodus. Hugging her knees she continued to sob, knowing that what she said was not what she meant, she wanted to let go of the past, let the woman know everything. She actually liked the fact that someone was taking care of her, that someone cared enough to save her from herself. The sobbing continued to grow in magnitude until Rose spoke.“I think that it is time we go inside, I’ll get you another cup of tea, and start dinner. Maybe you can have a nap while I get things ready?”The girl nodded happy that she was being asked, instead of told. They walked together towards the cottage and the girl began to relax. Maybe this was a good thing for her? To disappear for a while and let someone else take over for a while? She thought about if people would worry…no, of course not…most would probably be glad that she was gone for a bit – give them a break and chance to catch up on the weeks worth of work that she typically only gave them hours to complete.Reaching the cottage, she followed Rose in and took a seat at the kitchen table. She began to feel this mellow yet painful emotion that she couldn’t put her finger on. She began to cry, and Rose approached her putting a hand on her shoulder.“Taking the time to feel can be draining. Lets sit and you can start from the beginning. Tell me how you arrived here.”The girl closed her eyes and began her story. The stress at work, how angry she was, not eating, not sleeping, so much coffee. How she worked so hard to get the position at work she had. How she had put herself last in order to push beyond what people thought she was capable of. It would all work out in the end...at least she thought it would. She just wanted people to see her as being capable and for that, she knew she had to hide her past, her pain, everything that could make her seem weak.Hearing a car coming up the driveway, the girl stopped speaking and turned. Rose smiled and said,“It’s just Jack coming to check on you. He was dealing with your car last night.”“Oh,” were the only words the girl could get out. What had happened to her car? She couldn’t remember and felt quite confused at the moment. The girl smiles as Jack approached but she feels extremely apprehensive. She realizes that he’s definitely police and in a small town like this, probably only one of a few officers. She worries that she’s in over her head, that her actions last night are going to land her in a PR nightmare.Jack extends his hand to the girl, introduces himself, and adds, “nice to see you conscious this morning, Ms. Tamblin.”Trying not to look nervous, the girl responds, “you as well...and you can call me Laura.”Jack takes a seat and looks over at Rose with a smile before returning to Laura, “we should probably get started sooner than later on getting a statement from you. After speaking with the bar’s owner I’ve learned you had one hell of a night last night, but it is still unclear whether or not I should be opening a rape investigation.”Laura looks down at the fidgeting fingers on her hands trying to figure out what to say. Had it been rape? It was rough, really rough, but not completely unwanted. She didn’t say no...didn’t say yes either, mind you. When she thinks of her past it was always a no, a fight, a completely unwanted event. This time it seemed all the more confusing. Unable to return her glaze to Jack she mumbles,“I’m really not sure.”Jack presses, but Rose stops him and suggests that they go inside and speak in private for a bit. Laura watches as they walk back to the cottage. She hugs her knees into her chest making herself into a tiny ball. She’s scared of what is about to happen and realizes that she is going to have to make a choice to either lie about last night’s events or explain how disgraceful her life had become. She felt embarrassed and ashamed, but most of all she was terrified. What was supposed to be a night of destruction had turned on her. She didn’t end up getting what she wanted, instead she ended up in the hands of a caring older women she felt safe with. She watched Jack and Rose talking on the porch of the cottage and her stomach did flip flops. There was no way out of this - she was going to have to tell the truth.

Chapter 4

Jack pulled into the parking lot of the rough neck bar for his Friday night checks. It was the last thing he did before going back to the station for the night to listen to the radio calls from near by districts. Usually uneventful, with the occasional need to pick someone up to stick them in the drunk tank, he wasn’t prepared to come across what he did. Behind the building, a expensive car, that clearly did not belong, had gone head first into a tree, beside it lay a woman. He approached noting her expensive clothes and shoes...clearly she did not belong here. Her face was bruised and bleeding, her hair disheveled, and her skirt showed signs that it had been ripped. Checking for a pulse and noticing the stench of stale alcohol on her, he took a deep breath and radioed the dispatcher to call Rose and ask her to meet him at the clinic. Jack picked up the woman and lay her gently on the backseat of patrol car and headed towards the clinic.“How’d ya get here,” he mumbled to himself, knowing full well she was to far out of it to be able to respond, “don’t worry, Rose will fix you up.” Jack had known Rose for years and knew that taking this woman to the clinic was a better option than waiting for an ambulance to take her back to the city. Figure things out before coming to conclusions and not having her wrapped up in a drunk driving case before all the facts were out in the open just made sense. Something had happened, most likely she had made a few very poor choices, but to Jack, it seemed like this was a larger story. Rose would be able to figure things out and help this woman, or at least talk Jack through what he should do. This whole situation was outside the skill set of a small town back woods police officer. Kids stealing cars, drunks at the bar, and old ladies complaining that someone stepped on their flower beds were his crime specialities. He looked towards the woman in the back going through every scenario he could think of - maybe it was an boy friend and they had a fight? He sighed again knowing that the truth was, he was probably going to have to deal with a rape and really didn’t want to have to talk to the bikers that frequent that bar. It wasn’t as if they would have a lot of answers for him, especially if someone had done something. Chances were, they would cover for each other and deal with anything internally and Jack would be none the wiser.Pulling into the clinic parking lot, Jack noticed that Rose’s car was already parked out front and the lights in the clinic were on. He carried the woman through the front doors and went towards the back. Laying the woman onto the bed he turned to see Rose shaking her head.“Those shoes are too expensive to be on a woman that looks that rough,” Rose said while beginning her exam of the woman.After a few minutes Rose turned to Jack and sighed deeply,“it looks like she will be ok, small bump to the head shouldn’t be an issue..she’s pretty drunk though.”Jack and Rose continued the discussion trying to come up with a plan. Should they send her to the city? Wait in the clinic with her all night and question her when she wakes up? In the end Rose suggested she take the girl back to her home by the lake.“This just isn’t normal, Jack,” she had said, “a woman dressed like that doesn’t come up this way, and definitely doesn’t stop at a bar like that.”Rose was right. Jack had no doubt in his mind of that. There was something else going on here. This wasn’t a simple someone stopping at a bar for a night out and running into some trouble. Jack told Rose he would finish searching the woman’s car and come by the next day to discuss what else needed to be done. He also planned on following up with the bar’s owner, Bruce. Sure they have had their differences before, but Jack knew Bruce was an honest guy who could give some insight into the night’s events even if the bikers would keep quiet.Lifting the girl into his arms, Jack walked out to the parking lot, pausing while Rose locked up the clinic. “Your car or mine?” he joked knowing full well that there was no way Rose was going to risk vomit in her back seat. Rose rolled her eyes and just laughed. They had been friends since Rose moved to town almost 10 years prior, having left her medical practice in the city for the slower pace of a small town. Jack had shown her the ropes, let her know who to watch out for and who might need some tough love, in addition to medicine. Rose had always been a straight shooter when it came to health. She held people accountable and wasn’t one to put up with crap.Reaching Rose’s home by the lake, Jack took the woman from the car and carried her inside. She had started making small groaning sounds, probably a good sign, but hadn’t come to yet. Rose started readying the guest room, putting a plastic garbage bag and bucket onto the floor beside the bed and grabbing a blanket from the closet for the chair that Rose planned on sleeping in that night. Jack laid the woman down on the bed and said his goodbyes so that Rose could work on cleaning the woman up and getting her comfortable. He knew he had a long night ahead of him searching the car to see if he could figure out what had happened in that parking lot.Rose went to her room and grabbed a long t-shirt and a loose fitting pair of shorts to change the woman out of her alcohol and vomit covered clothing. Stopping in the washroom, she grabbed some antiseptic, washcloths, and a basin of warm soapy water. Rose knew it would be a while before the girl actually came to and didn’t want to have to sleep beside her bed with that stench. Making one last stop at her supply cupboard, she grabbed a medical hazard waste bag to put the woman’s clothes into to hand over to Jack and the police department the next day. She hoped that they would not have to test for DNA, but was well aware that it was a possibility.Carefully Rose began undressing the woman using the washcloth to wipe away smears of blood and dirt that covered her. Treating the woman’s wounds with antiseptic Rose sighed and shook her head,“what happened to you little one? What went through your head tonight?”Rose slipped the shirt over the woman’s head and fed her arms through the sleeves. The woman began to stir and Rose quietly shushed her. They were both in for a long night.

Chapter 3

The rays of light shined through the gaps in the blinds like sharp steel blades piercing her eyes. She rolled over moaning slightly and tried to lift her head from the pillow only to find that it was too heavy to do so. Her head throbbed, and she tried to pull the blankets over her head grasping at more time before the previous nights events became reality. She tried to fall back into a state of sleep, possibly unconsciousness, but found that for some reason her heart beat had decided to become overwhelmingly loud. Rolling over again she noticed a figure curled up in the chair in the corner. Squinting she noticed that what she assumed must have been a pile of clothes was actually a woman watching her closely. Unsure what to make of this situation, she tried yet again to sit up, only to become so dizzy that she quickly threw her head off the side of the bed to be sick. Whimpering, she rolled over again, completely confused and in a great deal of pain. The room began to spin as the actions of the night before became more clear.The woman stood from the chair and walked over to the bed. Without saying a word, she handed the girl two aspirin and a small glass of orange juice. Closing her eyes, the girl took the pills and swallowed concentrating hard on not getting sick again. She laid back down and soon found comfort in sleep.A couple hours later she awoke and realized that this was not her house. The bed she was laying in, was some strangers…and just who was that woman? She shot up forgetting about her head and was brought back to reality. Grabbing her head to make sure that it did not fall off, she walked from the room looking for evidence of how she got there and where exactly she was. Her search ended abruptly as her search for a bathroom to be sick in became an immediate priority.Finding the bathroom she lunged for the toilet, purging herself of everything that had troubled her for the past month, and then some. She wept hysterically as the memory of the previous night had come back to her. Her fit at work, that poor intern who was probably going to have a fear of hot coffee for life, the driving dangerously down the highway at mach one, the stopping at the biker bar….the biker bar…she began heaving heavily now. What had she done! Everything after that bar was a blur, but from the bruises she knew something had happened, but it scared her to even fathom what had happened after. Her last memory was going into the back alley with the leather-wearing-beer-guzzling biker. She threw up once more then fell to the floor of the bathroom sobbing until she again fell asleep.Awaking with her face firmly stuck to the floor she began to panic. Where was she? Who was that woman and how did she get here in the first place? Had she been kidnapped? She stood up and noticed her face in the mirror, bruised, her lip was spit, mascara and lipstick staining her cheeks. She looked like a two-dollar-whore, half-dead in an ally way.The woman walked in, two cups of tea in her hands. “We should talk” she says with a serious look on her face. She hands the girl the cup of tea and walks from the room. Strangely, although her first instinct is to run, question, and fight, the girl follows the women into the living room. The small home is cozy, oil paintings of meadows of lavender adorn the walls, the large window faces out onto a glass like lake where wood ducks puddle around in the shallows. A loon cries out and the girl’s attention is brought back to her throbbing headache. She stares at the woman who is curled up with her feet under her on an over stuffed couch.“I guess that your first question is mostly who I am and where you are?” The girl nods and takes a cautious sip of her tea. “You should sit, my dear, this conversation is not going to be a good one…” The girl grew angry, who was this woman to talk to her like that, but was cut off before she could speak. “Again, this would be better if you would sit, so sit down”The girl sat, her rage boiling to the point that she could feel heat in her ears. She could not understand why she was even still here, why she was listening to some woman she never met telling her what to do, and why she did not just tell the woman where to go. None of this made sense to her.The woman began to speak, “I’m Rose and I think you should eat something. I’ve started breakfast, why don’t you come to the kitchen and I will get you a plate.” The girl’s anger grew and she blurted out, “that is the big uncomfortable conversation that you made me sit for? This is a load of crap, where’s my car, I’m leaving.” The woman smiled and shook her head. “WHAT!” the girl screamed, “WHAT DO YOU FIND SO FUNNY?!?”“You” was the answer that the woman gave, causing even more infuriation in the girl. The woman continued to speak softly yet with purpose, “you were in rough shape when I got to you…you’ve noticed your face…your clothes are torn, and some are missing. What is it that you do remember about last night?”The girls mind began to race as small snippets of the previous night’s events ran through her head. The men in the bar being all over her, the drinking, the complete disregard for her safety and wellbeing. She recalled falling out of the backdoor by the dumpster, scuzzy hairy men hovering over her, the laughter…..she tried to fight but failed…she remembered crawling back to her car, a deer, a tree, and mud that smelled like swamp. It was all coming back to her and she looked up at the woman and whispered, “what have I done…” The world around her began to spin again and she felt herself sliding from the chair. The women walked over and stopped her from falling. “let’s get you some food, I am sure that you will feel better once you’ve eaten, then, we can work on a plan.” The girl nodded, closing her eyes to try and prevent the spinning…between the pain in her head and the pain from her thoughts she stained to keep from losing it.The woman returned with a plate of food; eggs, what looked like fresh home baked buttered bread, and some fruit. The girl looked at the food and felt her stomach begin to flip flop. “It won’t be as bad as you think,” said the women, smiling again, “I promise you that you will feel better once you eat.” The girl began to explain about low carb, egg whites only etc. but the woman just laughed, “it’s food, it shouldn’t be that complicated, just it eat.” Although the girls fear of yokes, butter, and carb laden bread almost got the best of her, she began to nibble through the plate. The woman waited a couple minutes then simple stated, “ready?” The girl looked up and nodded, not completely sure what she had agreed to, but knowing that it was important.“What brought you to this point?” simply put, but a question that the girl was not quite ready to answer. She began to tell the story of stopping at the bar after a stressful day, but the woman stopped her, “I understand what happened last night, the details of that event are not important, what is it that brought you to this point in your life that a well dressed business women became lost?”“But I was telling you how I became lost, I hit a tree, climbed out of my car to look for help..”“That isn’t what I am asking you, my dear. Maybe you need some more rest, you definitely could use a shower.”Still confused by why she was not fighting this woman, the girl simply nodded and followed her to the washroom. “I’ve put some clothes out in the room to your left, there are towels under the sink. When you are ready, I’ll be outside on the dock reading.”The woman then shut the door and left. The girl stood looking at the mirror again. She looked like a damaged piece of trash. Thrown out from over use. It was almost as if it was not her in the mirror, but someone she would have pitied. She stood there for a moment, in a surreal haze trying to straighten out in her mind what was happening. She could not logical figure out why it was that she was still at this woman’s home, why she trusted her, and why she felt safe for the first time in a long time.She turned on the water and the room began to fill with steam causing the image of the strange girl to disappear. As she stepped into the shower and the hot water ran against her bruised and scraped body the reality that the strange girl in the mirror was in fact her hit. The stinging of water hit her like acid burning her pain into her soul. She fell to her knees sobbing as a mixture of blood and dirt washed down the drain.She sat there hugging her knees until the water ran cold before making a move to stand. She slowly moved from the washroom to the bedroom, gingerly getting dressed pulling clothes that felt like sandpaper on her skin. She found a hair brush and began to make an attempt at detangling the mess of her hair pulling and tugging her way through until she gave up and pulled it back into a tight ponytail.Sitting on the edge of the bed she thought about the question that had been posed to her. How had she come to this? This slow progression into a self destructive bitch of a woman happened in such a slow veiled in success cover that she did not even realize it. Where to even start with the story was something that her aching head could not even begin to comprehend at this point. She stood up and took a deep breath before moving outside.

Chapter Two

She grumbled through her salad realizing that her lack of food throughout the day meant that the salad did very little to fuel her already tired and cranky body. Her anger grew when she caught sight of one of her younger staff members yawning – it was only 9pm! What was wrong with them – did they have no dedication to their work? Did growing their careers mean nothing to them. Mumbling something, that shouldn’t be repeated, under her breath, she stood and screamed at everyone to leave since obviously they didn’t possess the stamina or dedication to continued with their jobs.She watched as they sheepishly walked towards the elevator she feeling her ears grow warm, then hot, then burning. Her teeth clenched and she grabbed for her coffee cup needing a sip of that warm comforting liquid. Finding that it was now cold – she threw it towards the wall, narrowly missing an intern who had returned after forgetting her purse. Yelping like a scared puppy, the intern ran whimpering to the stairwell. The office was still, the echoing ring of an unanswered phone the only sound.Back to work. She sighed looking at her emails - 128 unread messages. The concept of inbox zero seemed like an elusive unicorn. She continued running down her list of emails shaking her head as she went through numerous that were completely pointless. Was there really a reason for everyone in a reply all to reply with ‘thank you’? And don’t get her started on emails that just said, “done”. Unless she asked for someone to let her know that something was complete, she just assumed that when asked to do something that people would do it. Were people really needing praise that badly that they hoped by saying, “done” that they would get a reply? Round and round the emails went, where they stopped....was with the person who felt the need to be last in a long thread. What. A. Waste. Of. Time.She heard the elevator doors open and watched as the nightly cleaning crew emptied into the office. They smiled and waved at her, having become accustomed to her working late hours. She rolled her eyes as she watched them work away - chatting with each other and looking like they were enjoying what they were doing. How could a bunch of women, who were probably making minimum wage, seem to have more dedication to their jobs than her own staff who made 4 or 5 times more? It made her bitter; furious even. Was she over paying them? Or maybe they were just too entitled? They had no clue that their worth was far less than what they believed it to be. Soon enough they would learn that to get ahead you needed to far exceed your expectations to even come close to meeting the expectations of others.The cleaning staff began vacuuming and the noise made her grow tense. She had trouble following her thoughts and her typing became erratic. She banged her head on her desk – how did she get here? How did she get to the point that anger ruled her every waking action. A world where the only thing that mattered was productivity and people were assets instead of human beings. Grabbing her bags, her only thought was to run – far – anywhere – just leave. Making sure that no one could see, she moved towards the elevators, tears beginning to stream down her face – she wanted more than anything to feel destruction, pain, hurt…anything but anger.Reaching the lobby, she walked towards the parking garage, knowing that at this time of night it was far easier to retrieve her own car than wait for the valet. Grabbing her spare keys out of her purse, she made her way to the car and threw her stuff inside. She kicked off her Christian Louboutins and sped off, tires squealing as she exited, continuing until the lights of the city were far behind her.She rotated through feelings numbness and anger, not sure which would emerge at any given time. Turning up the radio in her car, she sang along loudly and out of tune in a desperate attempt to be cathartic. Her voice cracked when the tears came. She needed to stop, now. Around the bend in the highway she saw lights from behind some trees and screeched to a stop pulling into the driveway. She knew that this was not a good idea, and for sure it would not end well, but her want to self destruct was much stronger than her need for self preservation.Entering the bar, she looked around at the hairy, overweight men in leather. Bikers. She walked past their cat calls to the bar and ordered “something strong” and downed it quickly. She then went to work, flirting, smiling, and planning her downfall. The dirtier the better. The drinks kept coming; no ordering or paying when men like that thought that they would be getting some.The room began spinning, but she ignored it. More and more drinks were placed in front of her and she kept drinking. She wanted to numb the pain, yet wanted to feel – feel anything but the intense rage that was burning through her. Before she noticed she was moving she found herself being pushed through the back door. Men laughing, hands everywhere, she wanted to scream but at the same time she wanted this. She wanted someone to hurt her so badly. She struggled slightly against them, but soon found her attempts to be futile. She was pinned down, hit, and toyed with until she passed out.

Chapter 1

The spring air was slightly tinted with the smell of freshly opened spring flowers. She doodled absent-minded in her book watching the world as it stood still and silent for her. Crocuses grew from the bright green grass that covered the meadow by the stream. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath that filled her soul with the calmness that it exuded. She watched as a family of ducks swam past: the mother quacking at her ducklings that refused to be rushed on their journey. The world stayed still, stayed calm, and knew how things should be.She sighed realizing that the reality of the world would soon return. She carefully picked one crocus and placed it in the middle of the book she held. A small reminder of how things should be but could never be. One last deep breath and she knew that she should get back. She walked to her car the first step in her return to the city, her life, her job, the reality of the world. The calming sound of the babbling stream was replaced with the beep of the keyless entry system on her BMW. The almost silent hum of the engine relaxed her enough to be able to return to the real world. The drive was long, straight, and boring. She reached the office tower: tall, cubic, and mundane. Pulling into the underground garage she stopped tossing the keys, without even looking, at the man who would take her car to be detailed; removing any ounce of her country drive from the busy realities of city life.She entered the elevator and took a deep breath waiting for the door to open to her world. The people inside never made eye contact, nor said a word. No one ever looked at anyone, noticed anything about them, knew their names, or or acknowledged their existence. Slight nods towards someone you knew were only socialized politeness. People were taught that they should, so they did. No one wanted to; it lacked meaning other than being a simple social nicety. Putting on a stern face she stepped off the elevator and was immediately bombarded with her assistants, her assistants’ assistants, and anyone else who felt like the world would come to an end if they did not have an answer that very minute. She stood firm, after all no one could know of her day dreaming ways by the stream.Anything feminine was considered weak in this industry and therefore she strove to be as male as possible. She stared down her assistants waiting for them to break and be replaced like the many electronic devices that had the sole purpose of making her life easier. They were nothing more. They had no worth in themselves, only worth that was placed on them by the amount of time and effort that they saved their respective owners. “Survive a year with me and you will be ready to enter the real world” she would tell the young naive girls that came into her office hoping to find their way into a male dominated world. Most would only last a matter of months before breaking. Was it a character flaw? Not as much as an inability to hide the fact that they were exploding with tears and rage inside.That was the key. No one could know the hurt that they felt on any given day. The resentment of being blamed for things that were not their fault had to be hidden in an extra cup of coffee, controlled by refusing anything that would increase happiness in any way. Misery was to be accepted and dealt with as one would deal with a blemish: Hide it with a mask. The ones that realized this early went on to become some of the greats in this world. Those who left realized that they would never be more than a fancy titled secretary regretting not pushing themselves to be more, yet, finding comfort in the safety doing nothing more than menial tasks.By the time she reached the door to her office her receptionist had a stack of pink message slips that looked the size of the great American novel. Another deep breath, a demand for coffee, black, and the powering up of her laptop to download the over load on her phone and her day began. She placed the book that she has been holding in the bottom drawer of her desk and went on with her day. The phone rang so frequently that the ring of one call could not be distinguished from the ring of the next. “London on one” would soon be followed by, “New York on two”.She felt a pain shoot through her stomach and realized that it was her eleventh cup of coffee and that it was now past 8pm. She had neglected to eat anything. She stepped outside her office to see which poor soul would be her prey. She quickly went to the room where she knew to find the slaves. Reaching the door she quickly blurted out that food was needed quickly. Scared feet dashed off at a pace that would threaten even the fastest of sprinters. She knew what it was like to be there, yet still abused them as she had been abused. After all, it was that treatment that taught her how to get to where she needed to be. The never taking care of oneself, always doing what was expected plus more, sleep was not necessary most of the time, neither was eating for that matter, they were all things she was taught during the harsh early years of her career. She bared it knowing that by learning under the greats, that she would one day be great herself. It was the opportunities of working with these people, learning from them, taking away what she could to help herself grow that mattered, not the pain and suffering of the experience. “What doesn’t kill us makes us strong”, no? She was alive; therefore, she was stronger than those who did not make it. She was a strong female who knew what it was that she wanted and was willing to cross whomever to get it. By the time that her assistants has returned, her blood sugar was low enough that the bitchiness was peeking. She snapped at how it had taken them so long to return with her food – was 20 minutes for a salad really a reasonable time frame! It was just lettuce!